Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
