1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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