Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
