So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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