Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
