Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
