Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
40s are totally the cure
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize