im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
