Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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