My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
