"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
