I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its about making memories worth repressing
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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