ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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