1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
