Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
