So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
