He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
