The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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