i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
