3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
