So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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