is your mom at the bar?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
