so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just google imaged poop.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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