I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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