I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
