ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
