I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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