I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
