I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
