Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
