Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
