i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
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