Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
