I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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