i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
