i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
