Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize