Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this boner is exhausting
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
