New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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