Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
