I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
