singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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