you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
