Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
