WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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