I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Green mimosas i think yes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
