I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
