i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
