tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize