i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
