Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize