that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
