My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
