I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
