Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
