Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
