FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
