White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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