you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There's even glitter on my cock...
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