Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
