Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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