Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
