Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
