lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
