Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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