OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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