That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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