There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
