I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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