Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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