i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
