I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
